Monday 7 October 2013

And About Time Too...

Do I really have a good excuse for neglecting this former lifeline of mine for all of seven months ? In fairness, I have on many occasions thought about dropping by, if only to reassure you all out there (if you truly are still there after all this time...) that I'm still here rather than having crossed over to 'there' and I'm hoping things will stay this way for a long time to come. But, like trying to rekindle a friendship long after you've lost touch with your former friend, it hasn't been easy trying to find an in-road back to blogging. Firstly, I'm tired. A combination of part-time work, part-time childcare and full-time attention given to making sure that I take my letrozole tablet every day, get my zoladex and zometa shots every couple of months and generally try to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible has left me pretty much exhausted with little or no energy for the more fun things in life, like writing. Secondly, I've been scared. No, not scared, terrified. Why ? Well every time i've tried to revive this beloved blog, I find my fingers as well as my mind wandering about the current status of other fellow bloggers who were feverishly posting updates at around the same time as me. Curiosity would get the better of me and I'd end up nosing around the site of another metster only to find - shock, horror and complete and utter sadness... that they've recently passed away. It is not possible to try to explain how the death of someone who you have never met nor have any real connection to can affect you in such a way that you find yourself feeling devastated, but it always seems to have this effect on me. Partly because of this, I've stayed away not quite knowing whether I should post about the demise of women who began their blogs with such gusto and humour while bravely (and I do not use this word lightly even though I know how many of my fellow cancer patients hate this terminology) being able to joke in the face of a serious illness. Or more admirably, willing to reveal their most innermost feelings to a complete bunch of strangers.
But this year has been more than good to me. While my almost four year old son who has the energy of a little puppy might steal away most of my energy, my scans have been great, fantastic with that much coveted status of NED bestowed upon me ever since I began the hormone combo of zoladex and letrozole at the beginning of this year. I hate to jinx things by even uttering or ruminating on these words so let's quickly move on and be thankful that for now, the drugs are working. I'm also thankful that I've been able to do a lot of one of my favourite pastimes - travelling. To Canada in May and more recently to Spain, and in a month's time to the beautifully picturesque city of Lucca in Italy (see above), to attend a photo-festival. Right now I know that I'm in a pretty good place. It's almost tempting to turn my back on Cancerland and its community and like Lot's wife, try my damndest not to look back. But metastatic breast cancer has very few pin-up girls. And while I'm not proposing to take up the mantle and represent a whole community, I do feel that it's important to write when things are going good; not just when they're going from worrying to worse. Reading my previous post, I realise that the last challenge I set myself was the super-ambitious task of eating 10 portions of fruit and veg a day. This, I have to ashamedly admit seems to have fallen by the wayside, since with a fast growing toddler comes a steadily growing number of kiddies birthday parties - usually complete with sugar-laden cake and crisps, which I've discovered I'm more than partial to. So instead of trying to be supermum and super-healthy cancer patient... I'm trying to settle for 'good enough' on both counts right now, which seems to suit me and my weakness for dark chocolate and red wine just fine. And just before I go, just in case you're wondering... I still haven't found that elusive afro wig. But my low maintenance, extremely low (which some might call shaved) hairstyle is still around and judging by the number of compliments that I still receive almost three years later, I'm in no great hurry to part with it for now. Cx

7 comments:

  1. Yes, still here, still sending you very best wishes, still breath a sigh of relief at your posts of happy news. xo

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  2. Thanks Laurie - I can always depend on you to keep me motivated ! And great to hear from you too. Hugs, Cx

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  3. Nice to see you have updated your blog and everything is looking up. Personally being married to a Trinidadian man and having Trini women around helped me with the whole wig thing. Having the G I Jane look was kind of liberating. And now it is grown back I miss the low maintenance. It is now wild and rebellious as ever with the gone with the wind look.. just like my cells lol.. Sorry my Yorkshire humor is a little dark.. but hey my humor is my humor.. tickles me, but definitely not pink.. xx

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  4. Hi Sarah, lovely to hear from you - are you still blogging too ? And yes, I agree about the GI Jane look. So many people that I bump into just assume that I took the plunge and decided to shave my head - if only they knew the full story ! Hope you're well. Cx

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  5. Good to hear from you. And even better to know you're doing ok! Happy travels!

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  6. Thanks Thandi - and so great to hear from you too ! It's lovely to reconnect with you all... Xx

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  7. Yes Coral I'm still blogging lass.. Made the decision this week to remove my remaining breast.. My imposter is showing signs of encapsulating.. Going to Royal Marsden in December for oncology appointment and will talk with them.. Meantime every three weeks herceptin to keep the buggar at bay.. and this is what I'm doing to raise awareness https://www.facebook.com/PaintCOut.. So blogging and painting lol

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