Spring is in the air and all around me seems to grow and flourish.
Including my own hair.
One day I had a sparsely covered shiny pate, the next i have what looks like silver grey spikes emerging from my scalp. I first started going grey in my early twenties, but it was only confined to a patch and barely noticeable. Decades later, the greys multiplied and threatened to colonise my entire head. But I managed to beat them back with a dose of killer dye and continued to keep them in check with constant monitoring. Hmmm, does this sound familiar ?
Anyway, I have for the past couple of days been braving the general public and stepping out sans wig or headwrap, after being reassured by my family and a few friends that it looked 'do-able'. Even though I was worried that you could see my scalp and that I looked so, well, grey. But as my sister put it, 'your face looks young but your hair is grey. Everyone will think that you've done it intentionally. It will look like you're making a statement.'
Statement hair. Another deja vous. This is what my friend R called my latest afro wig due to its voluminous size. I'm not sure in my present state that I can carry off 'statement' hair. Most of the time, due to the lingering side-effects from the chemo and the present day ones from the Herceptin, I feel about ninety years old. I may have disguised this by making an effort with my make-up and wearing some brightly coloured shoes and accessories but there's no getting away from the fact that the Spring has firmly gone out of my step at the moment - even if it might still be in the air.
I'm also reconsidering the afro wig. I gave it another outing when my sister and her husband came round. I was expecting to hear the same positive sentiments uttered by my partner, mother and friend only a few weeks ago, but (and she is not the kind of gal to mince her words), she just looked at it and said... nothing for a while. And then she whispered, 'it's huge ! You look like Chaka Khan !'
Hmmm. Usually my self-confidence is not so low that it only takes one negative response to change my entire outlook. The problem is, I agreed with her. When I wore my statement afro, it had felt huge but I was so determined to step out of my comfort zone that I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. Now here was my sister echoing my sentiments. I groaned at the thought of having to source yet another afro wig and then having to undertake the ordeal of finding someone to cut it. I just don't have the energy, even if I would currently kill for a new 'hair' style right now. Which brings me to my current state. My new silver-grey shaved head looks... interesting. Especially when it's worn with silver eyeshadow and pink shoes. Whenever I catch sight of my reflection on my travels, I think it makes me look futuristic. Of course, I'd much rather resemble Alek Wek or Amber Rose, but supermodel material I am not. Wearing a shaved head as a woman still unnerves some people. Perhaps because it seems to be giving the ultimate two finger salute to feminity. I've had some encouraging comments so far, as well as some silences. But the silver sci-fi look will have to do for now until I come up with a better idea...